Unadulterated Loathing
by nevereatdirt
Summary: Eridan Ampora has run away from home, due to his father's recent change in behavior, to stay with his brother. There he meets an infuriating programmer who he hates, but also doesn't.
1. The Hipster and the Hacker

Driving. Driving was good. Driving was something that he knew. Sure he wasn't _great_ at it yet since he'd _just_ gotten his license, but it sure as hell beat staying at home with his father and step-mom. Not to mention his step-sister. Normally he didn't have much of a problem with her; he even thought that they had a nice little friendly rivalry going, but ever since she'd decided that she was too good for geo caching with him their relationship had been on the rocks. But that wasn't why he was leaving. He was leaving because of his father. He'd been acting...strange since his brother had gone off to college. He'd been putting all of the expectations that had been on his brother onto _him_, and he couldn't take it. His brother was confidant, and talented, and even though he was creepy as fuck most days, he was still a good, or at least a generally okay, older brother.

So he was on his way to stay with him. He had a few of the basic necessities with him, including two dozen changes of clothes, and he had a way that his brother just couldn't resist letting him stay.

He parked in the lot and made his way to the building, waiting for someone to open the door. It didn't take long; there were always people leaving and willing to let someone in. He walked down the hall to his brother's room. He took a breathe, adjusting the strap of his messenger bag, and knocked solidly on the door. After a few moments, his brother came to the door. "Dan? What the fuck are you doin' here?"

"Hey, Cro. Dad's bein' a weird fuck so I thought it'd be best to come here instead a standin' around an waitin' to figure out what his big weird qualm with me is."

Cronus crossed his arms over his chest. "And you didn't think that, you know, just _maybe_ I was busy entertainin' any kind of sexy guests?"

"Oh please, Cro, you've got as much a chance at a date as me an that is a probability a negative three. Remember that day I checked?"

"Yeah, Dan. You fail to take into account that I'm not as useless of a sack a shit as you, though."

"Wait you seriously got someone in here? Someone that may be considered on some plane of existence some kind a sexy guest?"

"That is exactly what's goin' on right now."

"Shit where can I go then, Cro? I don't have anyone else I can go to! You're not goin' to throw your baby brother out on his ass, are you?"

Cronus sighed. "Eridan. You can stay in the common room until whatever bullshit this is comes to its stupid head. That sound cool?"

"Yes thank you, Cro! You're the best brother a kid could ask for!"

"Yeah I know, now move quick and don't fuckin' look at anything."

Eridan did as he was told, but he still noticed the clothes littering the ground. He realized that he'd probably just interrupted what probably his brother's only booty call ever in the history of time. And that made him a little proud as a little brother.

In the common room, he sat in the comfiest looking chair and took out his phone.

_hey fef_

_O)( )(I -ERIDAN! Did you make it to your brot)(er's dorm room okay? 38)_

_yeah but i got demoted from bein allowwed in the room to havvin to stay in the glubbin common area like some sort a bum_

_38(_

_its not your fault fef cros just a useless piece a shit_

_38/_

_i wwas just lettin you knoww that im not dead though_

_W-ELL T)(ANKS! 38D_

_im gonna let you go fef I need to figure out howw to sleep in this stupid room_

_okay! try not to be too angry at him! And let me know what its like to stay in a dorm! 38D_

_yeah fef wwill do talk to you later_

_BY-E! 38)_

He put his phone back in his pocket. Honestly all he wanted to do was sulk since his father was being weird and his brother was being more of a tool than usual. He planned on staying through his whole spring break, too. He was just glad that Cronus didn't have the same week off that he did. As he sat sulking, he heard a door open to the common area. From his brother's suite mate's room walked a tall and lanky man clad in what Eridan could only think of as proper geek attire. He sat down on the couch and whipped out a laptop from the messenger bag slung across his shoulders and began typing manically. Eridan couldn't help but stare. He got up from the chair and sat next to him.

"Hey there. I'm Eridan." He held out his hand, smiling as charmingly as he could.

The man didn't even look up. "Look I'm just gonna lay this out for you real quick, here," he had a faint lisp, "I don't care who you are. You're in my space and I'm working."

Eridan looked at the screen. Complicated code was laid out in red and blue text on the screen. He tried to decipher what it was supposed to do, but it was far beyond his basic knowledge. "What are you workin' on?"

The man threw his head back. "Look I seriously want nothing to do with you. I've been over this with your brother: I hate you. I hate everyone. I hate me. I hate the whole fucking world. So if you would kindly leave me alone so I could work on this shitty code for my stupid programming class. Normally I'd just half ass a project like this but this professor decided that "Oh no, Sollux; I know that you can do better than this!" even though I was doing A+ fucking work. So I decided to double team him with something that I was doing for work. Now if you'll kindly remove your hipster ass from this couch and leave me alone, I won't be forced to pull out that ugly purple streak in your hair."

"Well excuse me, I was just interested in what you were doin'!" He went back to the chair and continued to sulk. But he looked over to the couch. "So, Sol, you're my brother's suite mate?"

"Incorrect. And don't call me Sol. I am not sunny. Ever."

"Hey, sorry. It just seemed like a fittin' nickname! But if you're not his suite mate then why are you here?"

"Watching my brother. He hasn't been feelin' so hot since his rad girl graduated." He stopped typing and looked over at Eridan. "Why the fuck am I even talking to you?"

Eridan shrugged. "Because I'm a fantastic specimen a the human body and you just can't stop starin' at me."

"How about no."

"Hey you asked!" Eridan frowned and pulled out his journal and a pen. "So I guess if you're goin' to sit there and be an antisocial hacker then I'm just gonna sit here and plot your death."

Sollux stopped typing and looked up at him. Eridan couldn't really tell what his expression was with those stupid sunglasses on, but he could see his eyebrows were raised. "I don't think I heard you right. Did you say plot my death?"

"It's something a low brow piss brain like you probably wouldn't understand."

Sollux frowned. "You wanna come here and say that to my face?"

Eridan clicked his pen a few times then brandished it like a sword. "I think I just fuckin' did, Sol. I think I just fuckin' _did_."

"You are gonna regret that you little piece of shit."

"Oh I'm shakin'! I'm shakin'!" He put pen to paper and began to write, thinking that he'd never see this man again.

Little did he know, their lives were about to become entangled in a confusing and infuriating way.


	2. The Hipster and the Hornet

Eridan woke up in the chair. He'd written for a few hours about how he would kill Sollux. He thought that the most poetic way would to be to hook him into machines and let him power them until he died. It was implausible, but wasn't the whole thing a fantasy anyway? He looked at the sketches next to what he'd written. He was rather proud of them, but the whole thing made him wonder what was wrong with him. He looked over at the couch. Sollux was still there. It didn't look like he'd moved since he'd fallen asleep in that damnable chair.

"Hey, Sol. You still workin' on that same piece a shit from last night?"

Solloux didn't look away from his screen. "Fuck you."

"I'll take that as a yes." He stood and stretched.

"So how fucking long are you going to be here?"

"As long as I can, you foul smellin' peasant. Are you gonna sit there and fill up the room with your putrid odor for much longer?"

"As long as it takes to get rid of your bifocal-ed ass."

"These aren't bifocals you stupid piece a shit!"

"I know. But bifurcation is what I do."

"Which is why you've bifurcated your social life by stayin' indoors and doin' jack shit?"

"Hey at least I have a social life. You look like you've never even had a girlfriend in your, what? Sixteen years of pathetic, self-obsessed solitude."

Eridan frowned at the accuracy of that statement. "I'll have you know I just turned seventeen last month."

Sollux laughed, bitingly. "And that's the only part of that you deny. See? I had you pegged and I've spoken to you once."

"I'm sure you haven't had a girlfriend either!"

He looked up from his screen and looked right at him. "I'll have you know that I am actually a lady killer, you shit stained purple streak."

"Yeah, you kill them just by lookin' at them with your emaciated visage."

"Oh look he knows the big words. Someone give this kid an award!" He threw his hands in the air, like he was praising a god. "Do you hear me word gods? Let's give the kid a cookie and watch him do a little dance!"

Eridan stood and walked over to Sollux, crossing his arms as he stood above him. "You wanna go, you mouth breathin' troglodyte?"

Sollux set his laptop aside. "You really want to do this? You want to try and take me? I'll have you know that I am trained in the subtle arts of ass kicking."

"Oh I'm sure you are. In World of Warcraft."

"You wanna bet?"

"I'll bet you hit like a quadriplegic."

Sollux stood up and stared at Eridan. "I will defeat you in the most humiliating way I can imagine if you really want me to do this."

Eridan narrowed his eyes. "Bring it on. I'm not afraid of your skinny ass."

Sollux moved closer to Eridan. "Oh you're not?"

He leaned forward a little. "Nope."

Sollux smirked. "So are you trying to fight me or kiss me here?"

Eridan's face flushed. "I don't know what you're tryin' to insinuate."

He leaned forward, inches from Eridan and grinning. "I'm insinuating that maybe you haven't had a girlfriend for more than your shitty fashion sense."

He looked down at the man's mouth and saw a gleam of metal. "Do you have fuckin' braces? Are you sure you're in college?"

Sollux leaned back and regained his poker face quickly. "You really are an asshole."

"So are you." Suddenly, they heard thumping coming from Cronus's room. Eridan frowned. "How long are they goin' to be like that, do you know?"

"They've been goin' at it pretty constantly since January."

"Ugh, so I won't be gettin' any sleep then."

"Not unless you find some sad sack to take you in."

Eridan pouted at Sollux. "Would you take me in?"

"You don't even fucking know me."

"I know, but you look like the kind a guy who would take in a sad lost puppy."

"Fuck you."

He shrugged, dropping into pure Ampora business mode. "Okay I'm gonna cut the crap here and get to fuckin' business. You're poor. I can smell it on you. So, I will give you as much money as you want within reason to be able to get out a this lounge to somewhere that I could sleep without havin' to listen to," a moan came from his brother's room, "_that_ indefinitely."

"I don't know. I think I really fucking hate you."

He frowned. "Fine. I'll text my friend instead. Maybe he'll let me stay with him. He was goin' here last I checked."

Sollux shrugged. "Whatever, loser, I'm getting out of here before those two knock the walls down. Have fun listening to this. Maybe you can go beat off in the bathroom if nothing else helps you off to dreamland."

"You piece a shit."

"Later sucker." And with that Sollux grabbed his laptop and bag, and left the room.

Eridan grabbed his headphones out of his bag and started to listen to some Modest Mouse while he texted his friend.

_kar i got a problem_

_YES YOU DO, YOU USELESS TAINT LICKING FUCK. IT'S FIVE IN THE FUCKING MORNING AND YOU ARE TEXTING ME ABOUT YOUR "PROBLEMS."_

_yeah but kar your up_

_THAT'S IRRELEVANT, PUKE SACK. I AM TOO TIRED TO DEAL WITH YOUR BULLSHIT TODAY._

_but kar im in towwn an my brother is fuckin someone an i need a place to stay_

_OH YES BY ALL MEANS COME TO MY ROOM. I'LL HAVE A CHEESE TRAY WAITING FOR YOU. TELL ME, DO YOU PREFER RED OR BLACK CAVIER? I WANT TO BE PREPARED FOR YOUR FUCKING WAKE._

_kar im serious here i really need a place to stay_

_ERIDAN I LIVE WITH THREE OTHER GUYS. WE DON'T HAVE FUCKING ROOM FOR A WHINY LITTLE RICH BOY WITH DADDY ISSUES AND A BROTHER COMPLEX._

_i dont like wwhat your insinuatin here kar an come on i really need a place to stay for the next wweek or so_

_THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING YOU CAN SAY THAT WILL CONVINCE ME TO LET YOU STAY WITH ME._

_i can pay you kar i can pay you a lot a money_

_...HOW MUCH MONEY._

_a wwhole fuckin lot kar_

_GET OVER HERE. I'M IN THE PROSPIT SUITES. FIRST FLOOR. ROOM 120A._

_kar you gotta let me in_

_WELL THEN YOU SHOULD BE SURE TO MOVE FAST. I'M NOT GOING TO WAIT FOR YOU FOREVER, YOU STUPID FUCKIN ANGRY PENGUIN._

_kar your losin your insultin edge wwith that one I think_

_FUCK YOU. YOU'RE LUCKY I'M SO FUCKING POOR. GET HERE. NOW._

_thanks kar_

Eridan grabbed his things and walked quietly through his brother's room, trying to ignore the grunts and the moans as he left. Sometimes, as much as he loved his brother, he really hated him. He walked out of the faded violet Derse suites and toward the Prospit suites. They were identical to the suites he'd just left except for the dull yellow facade. He looked for a doorway and spotted one with a familiar short figure in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest and shoulders hunched.

He waved at him and the figure just flipped him the bird. It was definitely him. When he got to the door, it was already open and he just smiled. "Thanks, Kar. You're the best."

"You know I fucking am you shit munching fuck. Come with me. We have money matters to discuss." They walked into room 120A, labeled in angry red letters with KARKAT and below, in neatly written blue letters, EQUIUS. On one side of the room, there were oil paintings on the walls and scattered electronics on a desk, while on the other there were books scattered and a collection of horrible romcoms that Eridan had been forced far too many times to watch. "Now then, Eridan. Let's talk cash."

"I can give you $1000 to let me stay here until I have to go back home."

"And how fucking long will that be? Do I have to reteach you time again?"

"It's just gonna be until next Sunday, Kar. I'm not plannin' on stayin' any longer than that. And I can pay for food until then too. Or anything else you need. I just need a place to stay."

Karkat frowned. "You know Gamzee's in the room over there, right?"

"I don't fuckin' give a shit about Gamz."

"Seriously? Even after all that shit his fucking cousin and him put your creepy fucking brother through?"

Eridan shrugged. "Cro's gotten better."

"Whatever. I just want you to know that my roommate is one creepy fucker, too."

"Kar I can deal with creeps. I grew up with Cro."

"True. Well I guess you can stay in the fucking common room."

"Really, Kar?"

"Yeah. You're giving me cash at the end of each goddamn day though. And one of my smart ass roommates might want some too."

"Oh yeah? That the creep in here?"

"No it's the skinny weird guy in Gamzee's room."

"Oh okay whatever then. Can I just get some sleep on the couch in there? I slept in a fuckin' chair for a few hours after a long fuckin' drive."

"Yeah sure. Don't mind the mess, though. We weren't exactly expecting your royal highness to show your majestic ass here any time soon."

"Thanks, Kar. If it weren't for you," his lower lip started to tremble, "if it weren't for you, I'd a been stuck listenin' to my brother fuck all week. Or homeless. I'm too fuckin' pretty to be homeless, Kar."

"Sure, Eridan. I'm going back to bed now."

"All right, I'll just be sleeping on your couch."

Eridan left without another word to Karkat. He set his things up near the couch and dressed for bed. As he fell asleep, he was glad that he wasn't left in his brother's room. That could have been awkward.


	3. The Hacker and the Housemate

Sollux sat in Mituna's room still working on his program for work. He honestly would have preferred to have been perfecting his new virus, but this paid sooner. Mituna slapped him on the shoulder. "Sollux!"

"What is it, Tuna?"

"I gotta go to class!" He fidgeted with the straps of his backpack.

"You know how to get there."

"No I don't!"

Sollux looked up at him from his computer. "Do I need to draw you a new map?"

He hung his head in defeat. "Yeah."

"What'd you do with the last one?" His eyebrows furrowed together.

He cackled. "I tore it up and put it in Cronus's food!"

Sollux sighed. "I'll print you a new one. But you have to stop doing that. I'm starting to think you're doing it on purpose."

"I'm sorry."

Sollux really hated the way Mituna could go from laughing and excited to utterly defeated with a single statement. It was such a far cry from the twin he'd grown up with that it almost made him afraid for both of them. "Don't be sorry. It's no big deal. When do you have to be to class?"

Mituna wrapped his arms around his head. "I don't fucking know!"

"Hey calm down. I can look at your schedule for you." He went to Mituna's computer. It was always a little painful to look at it since he hadn't done much with it since the accident. Even after nearly three years, he still had his high school program files littering his desktop. A few new folders were scattered around as well, though Sollux could barely read the titles. He clicked the one labeled "iimpotant 2hiit" and printed out the schedule and his map again. "It says here that your first class starts in an hour. Do you remember what class it is?"

He hit his hand against his head, thinking. "It's... math?"

"It sure is." He handed him the papers. "You'll be okay getting there on your own?"

"Of course I will be, Bollocks!"

"Okay, just keep to the red path. Your second class is the blue path."

"All right!" Mituna grinned, the chipped tooth in the front an ever-present reminder of the accident.

"I'll see you later."

"Bye!" He left the room leaving Sollux on his own.

He went back to working on his program and was interrupted by a text.

_HEY BALLSACK, WE'VE GOT SOMEONE STAYING IN THE LOUNGE._

_ kk you have two be fuckiing kiiddiing me_

_ NO, SNAKE BREATH. HE'S PAYING ME MUCHO DINERO TO STAY HERE IN OUR SHITTY LITTLE EXCUSE FOR A SUITE FOR THE NEXT WEEK AND A HALF._

_ now why the fuck wont ii be gettiing anythiing out of thii2?_

_ I KNEW YOU'D WANT SOMETHING, YOU COCK LICKING PIECE OF SHIT. JUST GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE BEFORE EQUIUS SCARES THE EVER LOVING FUCK OUT OF HIM AND HE BACKS OUT OF GIVING ME MONEY._

_ oh ye2 ii wiill come back two the room ju2t two get you mucho diinero. would you liike me two rub your feet whiile you re2t them on my 2weet a22?_

_ HOW THE FUCK WOULD THAT EVEN WORK? YOU'RE AREN'T MAKING ANY SENSE._

_ and you never make any 2en2e, so ii gue22 we're even_

_ JUST COME BACK HERE, SOLLUX. WE HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN WEEKS._

_ you know tuna need2 me, kk_

_ YEAH WELL I NEED SOMEONE TO SULK AROUND AND TO KEEP THIS LITTLE FUCKER IN LINE._

_ fiine, kk. don't get your pantiie2 iin a twii2t. ii'll be back 2oon._

_ THANKS._

Sollux put his phone back in his pocket and packed up his things. He'd been staying in Mituna's room since the semester had started. He grabbed a few changes of clothes and his laptop. He left the room and walked across to the Prospit suites. He wandered into the old yellow building and opened the door to 120B. His roommate was laying on his bed, face down in a puddle of what Sollux assumed to be vomit. He put his bag on his desk, which had burn marks and rubber tubing covering it from the addict. He made sure to shove all of the stuff that wasn't his onto the floor.

His roommate lifted his head at the noise and waved vaguely at him, his eyes clouded over, and the black and white clown makeup covering his face smeared. He didn't return the wave, but instead walked into the common area where he saw Karkat sitting in one of the chairs, typing furiously at someone.

"Sup, KK."

"Took you long enough, Sollux."

"Well excuse me I had to clean off all of the stupid shit that GZ left on my desk. Why don't you tell him not to leave his stupid paraphernalia off my junk?"

"Gamzee and I aren't exactly on speaking terms right now." He continued typing.

"Oh what the heroin dependent juggalo finally get your metaphorical goat?"

"Something like that." He stopped typing for a little while. "Now that asshole who's paying me to stay here is in the bathroom. He's gonna come out here and make some big scene about his moral superiority and then you're going to demand cash."

"How much cash?"

"I don't know, Sollux. I just figured that you'd want cash because you know you could get some."

"That is true. Being poor will do that to an asshole like me."

A door opened and closed. "That should be him now."

"Oh sweet, just what I need. My own little cash cow." He smirked as he sat on the sofa, his leg shaking.

After a few moments a familiar douche bag wandered into the room, stopped and gaped at Sollux. "You!"

"Oh great it's Cronus's irritating little brother. I can't believe you had to pay a friend to stay in a shitty suite like this."

"I can't believe you left your retard brother's room long enough to come to this room and do exactly the same thing you were doin' without that stupid fuckin' laptop."

Sollux moved from the couch quickly and was in Eridan's face in a second. "What the fuck did you call my brother?"

"I called him a fuckin' retard. It's true. I've heard the stories about him from Cro."

"Your brother is a cunt and doesn't know shit about Mituna. And you don't know shit about anything either, you cash slinging piece of human filth."

"I know he's a cunt, but your brother is still a retard. That's not about to change just because a you gettin' upset."

Sollux hit him squarely in the stomach, knocking him to the ground with a loud crash and a girlish scream. "I fucking hate you so much."

Eridan looked up from the ground. "Yeah. I hate you too."

Karkat looked over at them. "I'm just going back to my side of the suite. You two knob knockers can figure this out yourselves." He moved himself back into his room quickly.

Sollux walked back and sat down on the couch. "If you ever insult my brother again, I'm going to make sure you don't get away from me walking."

He stood up shakily. "Not if I can beat the shit outta you first."

Sollux glared at him. "I'd like to see you try."


	4. The Hipster and the Herring

Eridan sat on the chair staring at Sollux. He couldn't _believe _that he'd had the audacity to _hit_ him! No one punches an Ampora man! At least no one that doesn't want to come away with a death warrant on their heads.

But then he thought about what he'd said and frowned. He'd been a complete and utter ass. He pulled his journal out of his bag and started writing again. This time he wrote about a power fantasy: Being an all powerful pirate and treasure hunter, like the man that had made the Ampora fortune so many generations ago. He really did wish that he could do something like that. It was actually the whole reason that he and Vriska had started geo caching. Cronus used to take them after he'd gotten his license, but after he decided that he was too cool for them it'd had gotten harder.

He looked over his journal at Sollux. He had to admit that he was hot in a geeky way. Though he couldn't really be sure with those stupid glasses on his face. He went back to journaling for a while and then heard a door open. Eridan looked up expecting to see Karkat, but instead saw what looked like a juggalo junkie with vomit smeared across his face paint. He realized it was Gamzee. He hadn't seen him in years, but it was definitely him. Eridan frowned. He honestly didn't have anything against Gamzee, he used to hang out with him and Karkat when they were little, but ever since he'd started getting stoned he'd been weird. And now, from the track marks on his arms, it looked like he'd been hitting the harder stuff.

The juggalo sat next to Sollux. "Hey, mother fucker! Why you gotta be knocking my things all up and off my desk, bro?" Yes. Definitely Gamzee. Eridan didn't know anyone that spoke that way.

Sollux looked at him. "Your things were on _my_ desk, GZ."

"They were? Oh fuck, man, I didn't think they were on your desk, bro! I'll do my best to keep my mother fucking things off your shit. Now if you'll excuse a mother fucker, I've gotta go meet some bros and get all up in some miraculous shit."

"Whatever, GZ, don't hurt yourself."

"Thanks, I'll do my best not to, bro!" He patted one large hand against Sollux's shoulder, the force knocking him forward and causing his sunglasses to fall off.

Eridan tried to see what he looked like without the sunglasses. He was surprised to realize that his eyes were mismatched, but he couldn't see what colors each eye was. The geek slipped his sunglasses back on as Gamzee rose from the couch. He looked over at Eridan and waved amicably, not a trace of recognition on his face as he walked back to his room.

Eridan cleared his throat. "So, Sol, you know Gamz?"

"Yeah. He's a tool though. Leaves his shit all over my room and when he's not stoned he's got more heroin than blood in his fucking veins." He stopped and looked at Eridan. "I _really_ don't want to talk to you."

"Hey, I'm sorry about what I said your brother, earlier. It wasn't my place to say say anythin' an it was out a line."

Sollux cracked his neck and made a face. "You're right about that."

"A course I'm fuckin' right."

"And yet you're still an asshole."

"Yeah well at least I'm not a useless hipster piece of shit."

Eridan glared. "Oh fuck you, Sol!"

"For FUCK'S sake, ED! _Stop_ calling me _Sol_!"

"Erectile dysfunction?"

"That's just how I give nicknames, shit breath."

"Well I'll stop callin' you Sol when you stop callin' me ED."

"I don't think so. I think I can live with being called sunny for the simple fact that ED bothers you so much." He frowned. "But I don't know, maybe I can't handle being called sunny. Oh for fuck's sake just fuck off. I want to be left alone."

Eridan shrugged. "Whatever, I was here to talk to you about cash so if you're wantin' me to leave, then I guess I'll just go take Kar to lunch an leave you to wallow in self-pity."

Sollux raised his eyebrows. "Oh did I here the possibility of free food?"

"Not for you. Or at least not anymore."

"Then don't fuck off. I want food. Free food to be exact."

Eridan rolled his eyes pointedly behind his glasses. "I guess you can come, Sol." He smirked. "But only if you show me your eyes. I caught a glimpse of 'em while you had your glasses off an I couldn't figure out what color they are."

Sollux shrugged and took them off. "There, happy?"

"Oh I thought they weren't the same color, but I didn't see what they were right away."

"Grey and hazel." He put the glasses back on.

"Why do you even keep those on?"

Sollux laughed. "My eyes are super sensitive. Now take me to free food. I haven't eaten in like three days."

"I can tell; you look like you're skin an bone."

"Fuck you, I'm poor. Unlike some of us I haven't been able to get decent meals since I started college because mommy and daddy don't buy me everything."

Eridan's smirk returned. "How sweet, you still call your parents mommy and daddy. You want me to go get you some Cheerios for your little baby hands?"

Sollux growled. "I was just starting to appreciate you since you were offering free food, but now I really want to just bash your stupid fucking face in."

Eridan stood, holding onto his journal. "Well if you bash my fuckin' face in, then you won't be getting' any free food. Instead I'm pretty sure you'd just be gettin' a nice fat court case shoved down your more than willin' throat."

"You, sir, continue to be an ass."

"And you, Sol, continue to be a lispin' piece a shit."

"As long as you give me free food, I'm pretty much willing to be insulted. Nothing you can say about me could possibly be worse than the things I've called myself. So bring it, ED."

"Suck it, Sol. And while you're at it, I just want you to say a little tongue twister for me."

"What?"

"Just do it for me. I'll toss in an extra $50 for you."

"Hit me with your best shot, ED."

"Here goes: A selfish shellfish smelt a stale fish. If the stale fish was a smelt, then the selfish shellfish smelt a smelt."

Sollux frowned. "You just want me to lisp through that."

"Yeah that was kinda the point here, Sol. Now if you don't do it you don't get food or money."

"You dick."

"Yup."

Sollux stood up and cracked his back. "Okay. A selfish selfish smelt a stale fish. If the stale fish was a smelt, then the shellfish shellfish smelt a smelt." He made a disappointed noise. "I fucked that up."

"Yup."

"What's with the stupid fish tongue twister anyway?"

"Just something I like to do to fuck with people. It's even more fun with you because of that stupid lisp."

"The lisp is worth it for the sweet mods on my tongue."

"And what thweet modth would those be, Sol?"

Sollux took his glasses off again and winked. "Wouldn't you like to know, ED."

"Oh for fuck's sake, you're the one that mentioned the damn thing."

"Yeah and I can do some weird things with it, too. But that's a trick I only show to the people that I get frisky with."

"Are you teasin' me or hittin' on me here, Sol? Cause you are makin' it real hard to understand."

Sollux shrugged as he walked past to Karkat's room. "Who says I can't do both?" He turned in the door and smiled at him. "I was giving you shit, ED. There's pretty much no way I would ever hit on your sort of weird, gaunt face." He went into Karkat's room, leaving Eridan in the lounge.

He frowned. "I don't have a weird face." He rubbed his cheekbone with his free hand. Even though Sollux said he wasn't hitting on him, something about the way he'd _said_ it made it sound like he was.

And that made him want to bite his stupid face.


	5. The Hacker and the Hothead

They sat in Denny's with menus waiting for their waitress to show up. Sollux sat next to Karkat, leaving Eridan by himself on the other side. Sollux already knew what he was getting, but it was fun to have a shield against this new douche bag. Though he was paying for his food. And giving him money to stay in his common area for a week. That just made him a _rich_ douche bag. Eridan threw his menu down, a pout on his face. "What kinda establishment is this place even? Can't a man get some better food than the swill they've got on this menu?" He looked right at Karkat. "You picked this place. We coulda gone fuckin'_ anywhere _and you picked the fuckin' McDonald's a pancakes!"

Karkat scoffed. "Listen here, come satchel, this place happens to have the best fucking biscuits and gravy I've had apart from what my own asshole dad makes back home and since I'm flat fucking broke, you are getting me whatever the hell I want. That was the deal."

Eridan sighed. "So I'm basically payin' you to make me your personal manservant?"

"That's not what I fucking said, but if you want to see it that way then I won't object."

Sollux smirked. "Since you're paying me does that mean that I get in on this manservant business too? Because I could really use someone to do my laundry."

"You don't want this asshole doing your laundry. He'll ruin it." Karkat glared at Eridan.

"What the fuck did I ever fuckin' do to your laundry, Kar?"

"Remember that awesome red hoodie I used to wear? And that favorite _white shirt_ that I used to _love_? And remember when you put them in the same fucking load? With hot water? I think it's safe to say that _that's_ what you fucking did to my laundry."

Sollux snorted. "You used to wear colors besides black and grey?"

"Hey fuck you I'm like Malcom from Jurassic fucking Park, okay? Black and grey match and no one can convince me to wear anything else! Not even you, lizard dick."

"Yeah, yeah, love you too KK."

"Fuck you, you're a dick!"

"Takes one to know one, pink sweater."

"The _shirt_ was the one that was pink after that, shit weasel!"

Eridan rested his chin on his hands while the two of them argued. As long as he and Karkat had been friends, they'd never really fought like that. It made him a little sad. He wished that he had someone to throw insults around with like that. He had goods ones on hold for just such occasions. He sighed. "Now if you two lovebirds are done bickerin' over how to decorate the fuckin' nest, I think I see our waitress over there."

Karkat glared at him, but Sollux just snickered. That wasn't the first time he and Karkat had been called a couple and it was always hilarious to see the short boy's reaction. He looked back at Eridan while Karkat flipped his shit. Apparently the hipster thought the whole ordeal was hilarious and, honestly, he had to agree. Karkat's little tantrums always made for good entertainment. This particular diatribe ended with an angry, "you odorous fuck wit!" as the, now rather concerned, waitress stood table side.

Her eyes darted between them all. "Is everything okay here?"

Eridan smiled at her broadly. "Everythin' is just fine, darlin'. Our little firecracker here was just havin' a tiff with his his boyfriend."

She looked right at Karkat and giggled. "You're Equius's roommate, right?"

He glared up at her. "Uh, yeah. How the fuck do you know that?"

"Oh Equius is one of my best friends!"

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh, right, I think I've seen you in the lounge hanging out with him. It's... Nepeta, right?"

"Yup!" She gave a Cheshire cat grin. "And I'm going to have to update my notes! I didn't think that you and Sollux were a thing!"

Sollux smirked. "Oh yeah, me and KK here do the do daily. And I mean just sick nasty fucking, too."

"No. We don't. Go fuck yourself, Sollux."

He shrugged. "Oh KK, just admit that you want my sweet ass."

"Nope."

Eridan smirked. "And what ass would that even be, Sol? I don't exactly see one on you."

Sollux side eyed him. "Oh you were staring?"

"Oh I check out everyone's ass." He looked up at Nepeta. "So, Nep, what on the menu would you suggest to someone with the tastes that come from livin' a life a fortune?"

She blinked quickly, her smile still on her face. "I think everything on the menu is pretty good! Though maybe you'd like to try the bacon avocado burger? I think the avocado makes it pretty fancy!"

He shrugged. "I'll give that a try at medium rare, with a side a fries and that orange grove smoothie." He winked at her as he gave her the menu. "I'll take your number, too, if you're willin' to give it."

She shook her head. "Oh no no no no no! I'm interested in someone else, sorry!"

He slumped visibly and frowned. "You sure, Nep? You're not even gonna gimme a chance?"

"I'm sorry!" She laughed nervously and looked at Karkat. "Um, what can I get for you, Karkitty?"

He frowned at the nickname. "Biscuits and gravy along with _the_ biggest root beer you are legally allowed to give me." He threw the menu in Sollux's face.

He just grinned again and his braces caught in the fluorescent light. "I'm getting the grand slamwich, a Pacific chiller and a desert blush, NP."

"Any sides?"

"Give me all of the sides."

"_All_ of the sides?"

"All of them." If Eridan was going to be paying for his food, he was going to take advantage and get as much food as possible. If nothing else he could take something back to Mituna. After all, they both had to eat at some point.

But the asshole just kept pouting. "You're gonna take advantage a my generosity, Sol?"

"No, I'm going to make sure that I get some food and don't starve for the next week."

Nepeta looked around the table. "Is there anything else I can get you?"

Karkat cleared his throat. "Every appetizer and dessert."

"Okay..." She wrote furiously.

"Oh and NP be sure to bring me a huge Dr. Pepper, too."

"Sure thing, Sollux!" She smiled. "That all for you?"

Karkat nodded. "Yeah I've got everything. Sollux?"

"Make it two of every dessert. No three. I wanna make sure Tuna gets something to revel in this victory over the bourgeoisie with me."

She giggled. "All right. I'll be back with those drinks in a little while." She grabbed the menus and scurried off.

"I'm not the bourgeoisie, Sol!"

Karkat furrowed his eyebrows. "You are just a sack of dumb, aren't you?"

"Hey fuck you, Kar, I'm an intelligent fuckin' specimen. I'm just not the fuckin' bourgeoisie!" He narrowed his eyes. "My _dad's_ bourgeoisie, but I most certainly am not! I'm actually fuckin' poor."

Sollux put his elbows on the table and laced his fingers together. "And yet here we are."

"Yeah, because my dad doesn't fuckin' care what I do with his money."

Sollux rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. "That's pretty much exactly what the bourgeoisie class is, ED."

"That is the shittiest fuckin' nickname I ever heard, Sol."

"And it's gonna stick as long as you keep calling me Sol, shit stain."

Eridan huffed and leaned back in his seat. "Whatever. I'm just gonna sit here and think about my self worth and wonder why I even bothered wastin' my time with you bastards."

Sollux laughed. "You're paying us. We could've said no, jag cock."

"You've been spenin' too much time with Kar. You sure the two a you aren't fuckin' at all?"

Sollux snorted. "You just like thinking about me naked, don't you?"

"You wish."

"Hm, no."

Sollux just loved goading this kid on. He really was too easy to fuck with, though. At some point he realized that it wasn't going to be fun.

But who fucking cared? His pissy reactions were the best.


	6. The Hacker and the Hatred

Karkat and Sollux sat at the table eating their food while Eridan had gone off to God knows where. Sollux figured he must have had to go to the little girl's room to get his panties out of a twist. With a mouthful of sandwich he looked at Karkat. "KK, I'm gonna go piss."

"Wow. You had to tell me that."

He swallowed, laughing at Karkat. "Hell yes I did, KK."

"Ugh, whatever. Don't let Eridan dry hump you in there."

"What?" He laughed again.

"He is the most sexually frustrated guy I know apart from yours truly, and from what I've seen of him he doesn't give a fuck about what you've got in your pants."

"KK you know I don't give a shit either." He pursed his lips for a second. "Okay I'd probably care if there was like a bear trap there instead of some grade A junk, but you know what I mean." He pushed away from the table. "I've just gotta piss, KK, I'll be back."

"Yeah, yeah." He waved him away and continued to eat his food.

Sollux made his way to the bathroom and went inside. He stood at the urinal, looking straight at the wall, and did what he had to. Afterward he washed his hands, but heard a noise in one of the stalls. He smirked, realizing that it was probably Eridan and walked over to the closed door, prepared to thoroughly fuck with him. "So, ED, you make a habit of whacking it in public places?" A frustrated, throaty noise cam from the stall. "Oh was it just getting good, ED?" He leaned against the door and screamed when it opened inwards, causing him to fall forward.

"Sol what the fuck!" Eridan hurried to pull his pants up while he sat.

Sollux laughed maniacally. "You didn't even lock the fucking door! You are a seriously pathetic little shit, aren't you?"

"Go fuck yourself!" He stood up, pulling on his jeans the rest of the way, but Sollux could still see the telling bulge in his pants.

"Nah, that's no fun." He crossed his arms over his chest, a smirk spread across his face. "It sure sounded like _you_ were fucking yourself, though."

Eridan scowled. "You're a real piece a fuckin' work, aren't you Sol?"

Sollux shrugged, the smirk still in place. "At least I don't whack off in public bathrooms."

"Go to fuckin' hell, you dick monger!" He hard shoved at Sollux's shoulders.

"Whoa, ED, don't touch me with your meat porpoise hands!" He threw his hands up and swatted weakly at Eridan.

"You're such a twat!"

"What the fuck, ED. Twat? Where do you think we _are_?" He snorted. "And what's with that stupid accent? I know for a fact that you and your useless brother are from Brooklyn."

"Fuck you I went to boardin' school up 'til last fuckin' year!"

"Boarding school where?"

"Scotland, you git!" Eridan shoved him again, pushing him closer to the wall.

"And you just decided to start talking like them?"

"Fuck you! No! I got this fair and fuckin' square. Not like Cro and his fuckin' fake as shit accent. He wouldn't know a real Brooklyn accent if it came up and bit him square in the ass!" Another shove.

"You're getting pretty slap happy there, ED." Eridan shoved him one more time, pushing his up against the wall. "Seriously? You're going to shove me against a bathroom wall? Now what? You you going to ravage me?"

"Maybe I fuckin' _will_, Sol!"

He threw his head back and put the back of his hand against his forehead. "Ooh, Mr. Ampora! Take me right here, in this disgusting Denny's men's room!"

Eridan drew close to his face. "Don't fuckin' tempt me Sol."

"You've never even kissed anyone have you? How to you expect to do anything with me when you can't even figure that simple shit ou—!"

Eridan cut him off with an angry kiss, as he was sucking, biting, and pulling at his lips while his ringed hands gripped his face. Sollux moaned a little into the kiss, moving his lips as they were bit. After a few moments, he pulled away, scratching a little at Sollux's face with his rings. "What was that, Sol?"

Sollux smirked. "Wow, ED, I didn't think you had it in you to just chew on my face."

Eridan glowered at him. "I'll fuckin' do it again, too if you don't shut that whore mouth a yours, Sol." He pressed up against him. "Don't think I won't do it. You just fuckin' _try_ me here, Sol."

He scoffed. "Like you're man enough to fuc—!" He was cut off again by angry lips and gnashing teeth. He gave another breathy moan into the attacking mouth and was terribly angry that he was enjoying this hate kiss so much. When Eridan pulled back this time, both of them had a little blood across their mouths. Sollux wiped the blood from his mouth and glared back at him as he shoved him away. "Seriously, ED, just go back into that fucking stall and keep fucking yourself."

He walked back to the table, lip bleeding and his mood depressive. He slumped into the seat next to Karkat, whose mouth was full of food and huffed out a sigh. Karkat looked at him and furrowed his brow. "Problem?" At least that's what Sollux thought he said. Through the food it could have been anything.

Sollux sighed. "It's nothing, KK." He could feel that his mood had swung down as a little blood trickled down his lip and face.

Karkat swallowed. "It doesn't look like nothing. You get in a fight with one of your personalities?"

"Fuck you, KK. You know that's not how this works."

"Yeah I know. You don't have DID or anything, you're just what? Cyclothymic?"

"Not anymore. They upped the ante to Bipolar-II. Lucky fucking me."

Karkat frowned. "Sollux? Are you okay?"

"Of course I'm not fucking okay? Do I look okay? Does this fucking cut on my face or this gash on my lip look okay?"

"Jesus, I was just _asking_, Sollux!"

"And I was just telling, _fuck_!" He looked up at the ceiling. "Can I just go?"

"I'm not carrying all of your fucking food back, Sollux."

Sollux rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Oh great. Just what he needed.

_sollux!_

_what ii2 iit, aa?_

_i was just wondering what you were up to_

_nothiing, aa. iim fuckiing up to nothiing._

_oh youre in a mood, whats wrong?_

_nothiing_

_liar liar lying liar!_

_fuck you, aa iim peachy_

_if you were an animal know what youd be?_

_what?_

_a lion._

_ha ha very funny._

_really sollux whats wrong?_

_can we ju2t talk about thii2 later? liike iill go to your 2uiite or 2omethiing ii ju2t dont want two talk about thii2 wiith the cau2e 2o clo2e._

_boy troubles?_

_yeah. boy trouble2._

_oh dear well you know where i am. ill be there when youre ready to stop sulking!_

_thank2, aa_

Sollux closed his phone and put it back in his pocket. Eridan and slid back into the seat across from him, a smile across his face. "What are you being so fucking pleasant over?"

Eridan shrugged. "Well, even though you didn't seem to really enjoy that at first, you sure gave in to it."

Sollux looked to his side. "Where the fuck did KK go?"

"Nature called." He licked his lip. "You're pretty good at kissin', Sol."

"Yeah? That's because I've actually kissed before." He crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't want you talking to me right now."

"What? You afraid your lust might make you wanna jump my bones while we're waitin' for Kar?"

"No, I'm afraid that I'll punch the hair dye out of your hair if you say anything else so shut _the fuck_ up."

Eridan frowned and made a noise with his teeth and his tongue "You really think you could get a hit in now that I know how much you fuckin' like it when I press our mouths together?" He licked at his lip. "Those little noises you made sure told me that you were enjoyin' yourself."

Sollux reached over the table and gripped the front of Eridan's shirt, pointing with his other hand. "Look here, ED, if you ever try that shit again, I will bite your fucking lips off and then _feed them to you_."

"Oh and I bet you'd fuckin' get off on that."

"Fuck you."

"Do you want to?" He smirked and Sollux pulled him in close, their lips meeting again, only this time Sollux was the one whose teeth were gnashing. He pulled at his lower lip and his braces scraped at him, though he could here Eridan making little whining noises in his throat. He shoved him away, taking a little piece of skin with his braces, and slunk back into his seat. Eridan just brought a hand to his mouth and rubbed at his lips. "What the fuck was that, Sol!"

"Payback." With that he got up and left the table. If there was one thing true about him, he was always going to win. He couldn't stand it when people beat him, and he needed to serve them _double_ what they'd done to him


	7. The Hipster and the Hickey

The rest of lunch went terribly. Karkat wouldn't stop glaring at Eridan and muttering things about him under his breath, which was a feat given his usually outspoken nature. Eridan just pouted as he licked at his lip. _No one_ did that shit to him and got away with it. After they'd finished, though, he was forced to carry all of Sollux's boxes back to the suite and dumped them by his door with an angry note written in his best prose. He slung his messenger bag over his shoulders and went into Karkat's room.

"Hey Kar? Can I steal your ID, I wanna go for a walk."

Karkat frowned. "You know that my ID can't get you any booze, right?"

"Kar, if I was gonna try an get booze I'd just Cro's fuckin' fakes guy to make one for me. Again. I just need to get in and out a the fuckin' buildin' without havin' to wait, yeah?"

"Yeah, whatever." He threw it at Eridan and he ducked with a screech. "You're such a fucking pussy."

"Kar what the fuck did I do? You're bein' a bigger dick than usual."

"You did _something_ my my best fucking friend!"  
"But you two hate each other!"

"Yeah but we hate each other in that way where I'm the only one that gets to send him into shitty moods like that without warning."

"Yeah? Well maybe he found someone he hates more."

Karkat laughed. "You know we don't _really_ hate each other, right? He's my best. Fucking. Friend."

"I thought that _I_ was your best friend?" He pouted.

"Okay just because of that one party, no. No we're not. I will listen to your whining and give you advice because no one else fucking will. And you know why? Because I'm a decent fucking human being."

He crouched down and picked up the ID. "Yeah, Kar. I know." He tucked it in his back pocket. "You gonna need anythin' while I'm out?"

"No. I'll text you. Just don't lose that fucking ID, Eridan. You're _going_ to replace it if you do!"

"Yeah, Kar. I get it. I'm gonna go for that walk now." He left the room without another word.

He looked around for a good direction to go in and saw what looked like a nice forested area and just wandered off that way. He figured that he'd rather be in some natural light and away from all of the people anyway.

He walked down a path aimlessly. There weren't any people on it, which suited him just fine. Trees overhung the path, and the early spring light streamed through the budding leaves, casting an early greenish hue on everything below the canopy. As we walked, he heard a rustling. He looked over and saw a leg sticking out of the thick bushes. He kicked at it and heard a groan.

At least they were alive.

He kicked at them again. "Whoever's out there better stop now!" That _lisp_.

"So, Sol. Hidin' in the bushes now are you?"

"I was going to lay here and pretend to be dead." He kicked at Eridan.

"Well you're doin' a shitty fucin' job a that seein' as you spoke the second time I kicked your foot."

"Yeah, well I figured that any asshole that's going to kick my foot might be stupid enough to be scared of me saying anything."

Eridan crawled into the bush Sollux was in, being careful not to get his pants dirty. "You might be the most hopeless fucker I ever met, Sol."

"Yeah. I know. I'm a pathetic waste of space that should just go die in a hole somewhere and never disturb the world with my wretched presence."

Eridan frowned. "You're no fun like this. What happened to that Sollux that I was just hate snogging back at Denny's?"

He was met with a blank stare. "What the fuck do you think happened?"

"Wait? Bein' kissed made you this upset?" He laid down next to Sollux, staring up at the sky. "Whoa, nice view here! You come here to feel better?"

"Go fuck yourself, really. You are the last person I want to fucking talk to right now."

He made a hurt face. "All I did was kiss you!"

"No, you made a fucking show of it. See these, ED?" He pointed at the cuts on his face. "You did this! They're still fucking bleeding!"

He raised his eyebrows. "What? Want me to kiss 'em and make it all better?"

Sollux huffed. "Maybe. But you're not going to."

"And why's that?"

"Because I still have revenge to plot for this."

Eridan laughed and rolled his eyes. "I'm sure you do."

Sollux rolled on top of him. "Yeah, ED, I _do_." He pinned his hands on Eridan's shoulders and was grabbed around the wrists.

"Just what the fuck do you think you're doin' up there, Sol?"

"I was planning on exacting my revenge." He smiled wickedly, his braces glinting in the bright sunlight.

"It's pretty fuckin' difficult to take you seriously with all a that fuckin' metal in your mouth." He frowned.

"You'll see just how serious I am soon." He lowered himself down and pressed a kiss to Eridan's neck.

Eridan's breath hitched at the kiss. "Sol, what're you doin' now?"

"What's it look like?" His lips brushed against Eridan's neck as he spoke and Eridan could swear he felt something strange too.

"Sol? What the fuck was that?"

"What was what?" He started to suck roughly at his neck.

Eridan gasped at the sensation. "Your... You tongue." He groan when Sollux bit at his neck hard. "Fuckin' Piss Christ, Sol, that's fuckin' _hot_."

He snickered against his neck. "Yeah I can feel that you think that." He tilted his head up. "I can't believe you're hard after just thing."

"Fuck you, it's perfectly normal for a boy a my age!"

Sollux reached down and palmed the erection through the tight jeans. "Hm, feels like you could use some relief."

Eridan nodded. "Yeah, can't say I'd be denyin' any help here." His face was flushed and he whined a little at the pressure against him as Sollux pushed down hard.

"Oh you make such needy little noises, ED. Are you sure you want me to do this?"

"Yes. Yes just do it. Fuckin' touch me, Sol." He couldn't believe this was happening. It was too hot to even be real.

Sollux unzipped his pants and reached his hands into the silk boxers, rubbing at the tip roughly and drawing a loud moan from Eridan. He smirked down at him, admiring the quick state of disarray that he'd fallen into.

"Sol? What is it? What are you smirkin' at me for?"

"You're just so easy to get going, ED." He pulled harder at him, drawing another loud moan. "You're just a little slut for this aren't you?" He leaned back down and sucked at his neck again and brushing his tongue against it.

"What in the ever lovin' fuck was that, Sol!"

He sat back up. "That would be the sweet mods on my tongue."

"What?"

He stuck his tongue out and revealed that it was split to where one would normally have it pierced, wiggling either side independently. Eridan moaned thinking about that tongue in his mouth or on his aching cock. Sollux pinched the tip of it harder than he should have and Eridan squealed. He then burst out laughing and stood, leaving Eridan where he was. He pulled out his phone quickly and snapped a picture. "See you, ED. You might wanna get outta here on the double. I here there are a couple of tour groups coming through here today." He smirked and walked away.

Eridan's jaw dropped and his brow furrowed. He pushed himself back in his pants and zipped them up, hissing at the pressure from his skinny jeans. He sat back up and grabbed his iPhone to look at himself, hoping that his hair wasn't ruined.

His hair was fine, just a few stray hairs that needed to be fixed but he had a giant hickey on his neck. He felt his cock twitch remembering the hand and the mouth of the man that had caused it.

He huffed and grabbed his bag, standing in the bushes. As he stood, one of the tour groups passed by him, all of the students giving him looks and some of them just giggling at him. How embarrassing.

Now he knew that he had to get Sollux back somehow. He needed to make a plan. And it was going to have to be a good one. It was going to be a long fucking nine days.

And he was going to enjoy every fucking minute of them.


	8. The Hacker and the Humming

Sollux sat in is friend's suite holding onto a stuffed sheep and laying with his head in her lap. She was stroking at his hair, waiting for him to say something as she hummed Durme, Durme under her breath. At long last he looked up at her and took off his glasses. "AA."

"Sollux." Her voice always managed to make him feel a little better. He didn't know why. But it always did. Even when she'd gone through her "woe is me who walks in the land of the living, yet feels like she belongs in the land of the dead" shit. He was glad that she stopped doing that. He'd missed her smile, even if he'd never say that out loud. She raised her eyebrows with a dimpled grin.

"I feel like complete _shit_, Aradia..."

"Aw, what happened honeybee?"

He huffed. "There's just this asshole that's staying with us until the end of the week."

"What did he do? I know you can handle assholes pretty well."

He scrunched his nose. "Well you know how sometimes I do that thing where I sorta fuck with people by flirting with them?"

She rolled her eyes. "That's how we met, Sollux. "You tried flirting with me while Rabbi Grossman's back was turned, remember?"

He laughed with a little half smile. "Oh yeah. Sorry, lamb chop."

She rolled her eyes. "It's okay, Sollux. Go on?"

"Well I dunno. It just kinda escalated."

"Sollux Percival Captor, what did you _do_?"

"I didn't do anything!" He scrunched his nose. "And you know that's not my middle name anymore."

"Oh it's not? When did you change it?"

"Last week."

"Ooh that means that I get to guess it!" She grinned widely again as she laughed. "But you didn't do anything, okay. Then what happened?" He made a long gagging noise. "You didn't!"

"Didn't what?"

"Blow him!"

"_What_! AA, fuck! No!" He reached up and swatted her in the face.

She laughed again. "Okay, okay! Then what happened?"

He sat up and rested his head against her shoulder. "He kissed me."

"So? You're a big boy. Last I checked you never turned down kissing people."

"Yeah but _he_ kissed _me_! Not the other way around!"

"And that makes it different because...?"

"Kiss rape, AA!"

She frowned. "Sollux he just kissed you."

"Sexual harassment, then!"

"All right I guess." She sighed. "It had to have been more than that, though. What happened to your face?"

"He cut me with his fucking rings! And he bit my lip too!" He pointed to where it was still bleeding a little. "See?!"

"Yeah, I see a little scrape on your lip, what's wrong?"

"He did this!"

"And it took your forever to get here after I texted you. What did you do to him?"

Sollux frowned. "I didn't do shit!"

"Liar liar."

He frowned. "You know that place in the woods I lay down and pretend to be dead?"

She laughed. "Of course I showed you that spot, remember?"

"Oh yeah. Well," he sighed, "he found me there and I may have initiated some stuff."

"What sort of stuff?" She narrowed her eyes. He mumbled. "What was that?"

He sighed. "I said that I might have macked on him a little!"

She pursed her lips. "You you're not telling me the whole story."

"How do you know?"

She made a face and leaned back. "The voices of the dead tell me that you're hiding something!"

"Fuck, AA, that shit is fucked up."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh you know I'm kidding. The only way I can speak-speak to the dead is through a Ouija board." She leaned in close, her eyes wide. "But I can see and hear them and they say that you're full of shit."

He snorted. "And you can tell them that they're dead and I give a fuck."

"Hmpf, rude!" She stuck out her tongue.

"Yeah, yeah." He sighed.

"Really Sollux what'd you do?"

"Okay fine." He spoke quickly. "I got his cock out after teasing him and when he was all hot and bothered I stopped and took a picture just leaving him with it out and a tour group coming." He frowned. It sounded bad when he said it like that.

"You did _what_?"

"You heard me."

"Again, Sollux? Do you just like fucking with people's heads?"

"Yeah." He blinked slowly.

She rolled her eyes, exasperated. "Sollux Emmanuel Captor you're terrible."

"Not even close on that new middle name, AA." He smirked.

She shook her head. "You're a little brat sometimes." She flicked his nose.

He shrugged. "I don't get to be the kid brother much anymore. Let me just be a brat for a change."

"It's not a _change_ it's every damn time you're here!"

He smirked. "Yeah that's because you love me."

She closed her eyes with a sigh. "Okay maybe I do, but that doesn't change what you did to him, Sollux." She opened them and looked at him. "What would you even start that?"

"He insulted Tuna."

"And that gives you the right?"

"Then he kissed me! Twice, I might add!"

"And that doesn't mean that you pin him down and get him riled up!"

"He's a fucking hipster tool, though! He deserved it!"

"Yeah, I'm sure he did." Her tone conveyed otherwise.

"Fuck you, AA, I don't need this, I'm going back to my room." He stuck his tongue out at her but stayed in place.

She ruffled his hair. "You know I'd love it if you could actually stay, but some of us have jobs we have to do."

"Hey I've _got_ a job!"

"A job that doesn't mean that I just sit on my ass in front of my computer all day." She nodded sagely. "That sounds really boring."

"It's the greatest job ever. You're just jealous!"

"Hm, nope! I'd rather work in the UC. At least that way I can interact with people a little!"

"Ew, people!" He stuck his tongue out at her again.

"Really, Sollux, I've gotta go now. If you would've been here when you'd said you would be _an hour _ago then we wouldn't be having this issue."

He huffed. "Fine. I'm out. I'll leave. I'll go." He stood up, cracking his neck and back, then looked at Aradia. "Do I at least get a hug?"

She stood up and wrapped her arms around his midsection. "Yeah, here's a hug you big baby." She laughed a little and then squealed when he picked her up. "Put me down you half blind dingle brain!"

He hummed. "Nope." He hugged her more tightly and snickered. "Heh, boob squish."

She kicked her legs and hit at his back. "Sollux Jessica Captor!"

"Jessica?" He put her down. "Really?"

"Well if you're going to act like a bitch..."

He put his hands in the air. "Do not compare me to your co-workers."

"And speaking of co-workers, _I've_ got to get to work!" She stood on tip-toe and gave him a kiss on his cheek. "Just lock up when you leave! Bye!"

"Yeah see you, AA." After she'd left he grabbed his things and laced up his shoes. He sighed and locked the door as he left, walking down the hall to his own room. He opened the door and was relieved to see that Gamzee wasn't there. He locked the door to the lounge and the hall and crawled up into his lofted bed, not even bothering to take off his shoes.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and started looking through his pictures. He was feeling undeniably horny and he really needed to do something about it. All of his friends with benefits were in relationships now, and he didn't have else anyone that was down to fuck. Looked like he was stuck beating his own meat.

There was really nothing that he really felt gung-ho about in his folder. All of the ladies were just _there_ and all of the guys were way out of his league. He went back a folder and saw the picture he'd taken of Eridan earlier and opened it up. He had to admit the kid was pretty fucking hot if you could get past his personality for long enough to see it. And he did _not_ notice that future third leg when he snapped the photo, wow. He smirked and unzipped his pants, putting the phone down beside him.

He was already half hard as he started rubbing at himself, thinking about disheveled hair and an aquiline nose. He felt teeth gnashing at his lips and let out a small moan as he thought about a ringed finger pulling roughly at his cock. He went on, thinking about bits and pieces of the teen in his phone. He wondered what his body looked like... What he tasted like... How he fucked. He remembered the rough kisses from earlier and just wanted to bite his neck. He wanted to ruin him, to break him and to be broken in return.

His free hand grabbed at his hair as he hissed through his teeth as he felt heat pooling in his abdomen. He thought about angry lips sucking hard at his tip and those ringed fingers digging into his thighs as he came, hot and sticky over his face.

His breathing was heavy as he looked at the hand he'd come down a little. Sticky and translucent-white, it trailed between his fingers as he moved them. He was a little disappointed that he hadn't come all over Eridan's face. It would have been hot.

But he shook his head. It was no use thinking about doing anything like that with the boy. He was infuriating and horrible, not to mention just an insufferable douche.

All he wanted to do was fuck with him. And then fuck him.


	9. The Hipster and the Honey Liquor

Eridan had spent most of the day writing in his journal about the things he would do to Sollux fucking Captor. Most of them were humiliating. Some of them were satisfying. Most of them just didn't add up to what he wanted out of it. Around ten he decided to wash his face and ask Karkat if there were any parties happening that night. He wanted to get fucked up. He knocked on his room door. "Kar!" No response. He narrowed his eyes and knocked harder. "_Kar_!" This time Karkat swung open the door with an aggravated look on his face, as per usual.

"What? What the fuck do you want?"

"I wanna wash my face an go out."

"Go wash it in the bathroom." He narrowed his eyes. "And I don't fucking _go_ out."  
"You don't? Who doesn't fuckin' go out? I don't even wanna really go out so much as I wanna get fucked up."

He gave a growling, exasperated sigh. "I don't have any fucking drugs. Go ask Sollux or Gamzee. They're into shit like that."

He scrunched his nose, his expression quickly souring into one of disgust. "I ain't askin' Gamz or Sol. They're both under my radar for acceptable compatriots in such wild endeavors."

"Then just go to fucking sleep and quit acting like a spoiled brat. I've got fucking programs to write." He slammed the door in Eridan's face.

He stood there for a few seconds, jaw agape, before walking to the other side and knocking hard. "Hey Sol, get your skinny fuckin' ass out here!"

He heard a thud and angry footsteps. After a few seconds, the door opened and Sollux was there, headphones around his neck and eyes narrowed from the lack of his glasses. "What in the ever-loving fuck do you want, ED?"

He shrugged. "Kar said you might be able to hook me with with somethin' that could fuck me up." He raised his eyebrows. "That true?"

He frowned. "Maybe." He crossed his arms over his chest. "What's in it for me?"

He rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. "I can fuckin' reimburse you or somethin' yeah?"

"You pay an extra $40 for anything you take."

"Fine. Whatever." He waved a hand in the air. "So what you got?"

He smirked. "We'll just have to see won't we?" He let Eridan into the room and then motioned for him to sit down. He reached into his mini-fridge and pulled out a bottle of honey liquor, waving it at him. "Tada!"

"Booze? That's it?"

"Best most illegal substance I'm willing to share. Trust me, you don't want my crazy pills." He chuckled.

"What? You got pills?" He smiled excitedly.

"Yeah and I'm not fucking sharing." He pulled a couple plastic cups out of a bag on top of the fridge and poured an ounce or two into them, then followed it up with some tea from the fridge. He handed one to Eridan. "There."

"What the fuck is this?" He smelled it.

"It's called Bee Tea and it's the best. Now Shut the fuck up and _drink_ it."

"All right, all right." He took a drink. "Ugh, this is fuckin' weak, Sol!"

"You're seventeen, what do you care?"

"I wanna get fucked _up_, Sol! I need something fuckin' strong!"

He rolled his eyes. "Just down it already."

"Fine." He chugged it and then sat in silence, watching as Sollux drank his slowly as he poured himself another drink with more liquor than tea. It was almost relaxing with the way he stared at his computer screen and he was enamored by the way he licked his lips each time he took a sip of his sickly sweet drink. His split tongue peeked out past his lips, getting the last few drops left after each drink.

"So why'd you do it?" He took a long drink of the tea..

Sollux looked over from his laptop. "Do what? Give you booze? I'm still not sure about that." He frowned.

"No, split your tongue."

"Oh that." He shrugged. "I used to have it pierced twice so I decided to split it. I guess I just thought it looked cool." He looked back at his screen. "Why?"

"I dunno." He could feel the alcohol coursing through his system. "Just seems like a pretty big thing to do just cause it looks cool."

"Yeah well how is it any different from those stupid gauges you have?"

"I'll have you know that these are only sixes!"

Sollux rolled his eyes with a smirk. "You're such a little hipster shit, fuck. Makes me want to just punch you in the face."

"Hey watch the face! It's my best feature. Apart from maybe my ass. I got a great fuckin' ass."

He frowned. "I don't know about that, ED."

"No, really. I do." He stood up and turned around. He lifted up the back of his shirt a little. "See? I got a perfectly sculpted ass."

Sollux smirked. "It's hard to tell with all that fabric on it." He swiveled in his chair.

"Oh you don't believe me then?"

"Nope."

"Then just give it a nice, firm squeeze. That'll show you!" He backed up closer to him. "Just fuckin' touch it Sol, you know you want to." He winked at him.

"Jesus _fuck_, ED, you are such a pathetic little fuck aren't you?"

"No, I'm an awesome fucker with a great fuckin' ass, now _touch it_." He bit his lip and whimpered in his throat.

Sollux threw his head back and laughed. "Did you just do that? Did you just fucking _whimper_ over me touching your fucking ass?"

Eridan bit his lip. His inhibitions had been lowered enough to just scoot closer. "Just fuckin' touch it already!"

Sollux rolled his eyes. "If it'll get you to just shut up, then _fine_." He reached up a hand and put it on his ass. "Wow, shit, you do have a great ass, ED!"

"Fuckin' told you, Sol!" He shifted from one foot to the other, trying to keep his balance.

Sollux goosed him and laughed again. "Well, ED, you do have a sweet ass."

Eridan shuddered a little at the squeeze and turned around. "I never said for you to fuckin' goose me, Sol!"

He smirked. "Well you were waving your fucking ass in my face what else was I supposed to do?" He reached up and grabbed Eridan's hips, resting his fingers on his ass again and squeezing.

"Hey! I just said one squeeze." He put his hands on Sollux's shoulders. "Why the fuck are you even doin' this? You fuckin' hate me."

He licked his lips. "Well I do fucking hate you, but you're still hot."

"I could say the same a you, Sol." He edged forward a little, straddling Sollux's lap. "I think you'd look even hotter blond, though."

He pulled Eridan down to sit. "Oh really?"

"Yeah. It'd make you look less like a washed out basement dweller." He pulled himself closer to Sollux, searching his face.

He tilted his head to the side and snarled a little. "I'm not a fucking basement dweller."

"You sure fuckin' look like one." He tilted his head and leaned down.

"Well fuck you I've got a social life." He furrowed his brow and stuck out his tongue, wiggling either side of it.

"Are you _tryin_' to get me to suck on your tongue or what?"

He smirked and licked his lips. "I dunno, ED. Maybe I'll just bite you instead." He smiled broadly, showing off his glinting metal and sharp teeth.

"Oh you're gonna bite me now?" He smirked right back and quirked his eyebrows as insipidly as he could with his level of intoxication.

He leaned forward and put his mouth against Eridan's neck, whispering. "I know you liked it last time."

He sighed through his nose and shuddered a little with Sollux's lips against his neck. "I did no such thing as _likin_' your fuckin' teeth scrapin' against my neck, Sol."

He smiled and nipped at his neck, pinching him with his teeth harder than was entirely necessary, but the little groan that Eridan let out was entirely worth it. "Liar liar." Eridan squirmed in Sollux's lap, trying to adjust himself into a more comfortable position. Once he'd found one he leaned down and bit his ear. "Fucking! What was that even for, you dick stain!"

"For bitin' my neck." He scraped his teeth against the lobe. "Got a problem?" He chuckled.

"Uh, yeah I've got a problem you just bit my fucking ear! Twice!"

"Well you bit my fuckin' _neck_ so I'd say we're even." He moved from his earlobe down to his neck, forcing Sollux so that his head was resting against his shoulder. Eridan gave the slim neck an experimental kiss and began to nip and suck at it sloppily. He never had been able to hold his liquor.

Sollux bit his lip and groaned. "Shit, ED, that actually feels..." Eridan raised his shoulder to knock him in the jaw. He didn't want talking.

They could talk later.

With what he wanted, words would just get in the way.


	10. The Hacker and the Humping

Sollux couldn't help but to laugh at little at the nips on his neck. They hurt, but they hurt in the best way. He moved his hands, sliding them into Eridan's jeans. It was tight, but it was worth it to be a little closer to his taut flesh. He squeezed at his ass, digging his fingernails in with a groan. Eridan pressed back and down into his hands with a needy moan as he sucked at his neck.

He smirked. "Jeez, ED, you're just a little slut aren't you?" He moaned as he pulled closer. Obviously alcohol made this bastard horny. What a perfect way to get everything he wanted. "What do you want, ED? Want me to suck you off?" He could feel Eridan twitch against him and he licked his lips. "You must just love it when I talk like this. Your cock's already getting hard."

Eridan whined as he pulled off his neck. "Will you just fuckin' shut up? I don't want your fuckin' talkin' ruinin' this for me, alright?"

"Don't be such a ba—!" Eridan brought him lips down to silence Sollux this time. He moved them gracelessly with so much enthusiasm that it wasn't hard for Sollux to realize that his comments had been right. The boy was a total virgin. Sollux moved his lips more skillfully against Eridan's and was rewarded with a throaty moan against his lips. He moved one hand up and under Eridan's shirt, being sure to scratch at him as he drew his nails over the skin. It wasn't long before he could feel the boy rocking in his lap, his growing erection hard against his stomach. He broke their lips apart and smirked. "You're hard after just that?"

He panted. "I told you it's completely fuckin' normal for a boy a my age!"

He huffed. "Sure, whatever." He leaned up and put his lips to Eridan's, biting at the lower one with his sharp teeth. He bit a little harder than he'd meant, though, and could was met with the metallic taste of blood. He licked at it with one half of his tongue while the other traced at his upper lip lightly. Eridan moaned as his tongues worked at his lips. This time he was the one to pull back.

"Now that's just not fuckin' fair, Sol! You're usin' your fuckin' tongue to get into my pants, an that just isn't a thing I should be okay with!" Sollux couldn't help but notice the way he was struggling with his W's now that he was drunk. It was pretty fucking annoying. He reached up the hand still in Eridan's pants and pulled him back down to keep him from talking this time. They both moved, struggling to dominate the kiss, but Sollux was prevailing in his less inebriated state. As they struggled, though, the chair had begun to wobble and as they continued it fell over, sending both of them to the floor.

Sollux managed to stay on top, not breaking the kiss even as they fell, though their teeth had knocked together and he could taste more blood in Eridan's mouth. His braces must have scraped against him again. He pulled away from the kiss and positioned himself more comfortably, straddling the younger man's legs. He smirked. "Looks like we're going to be down here, ED."

He just smirked back, blood trailing from his mouth from cuts on his lips from Sollux's braces. "Then what's your plan, Sol? You gonna just stay on my lap and let me fuck you?" His grin widened, showing off bloody, shark like teeth.

"What the fuck is wrong with your teeth?"

"My teeth?" He licked and sucked some of the blood off of them with a sickening slurp before looking right back and baring them. The canines were sharp and his teeth were fairly large, giving the impression that he could bite through almost anything.

"Huh, looked like they were all super sharp with all of your blood on it."

He raised his eyebrows. "Did they now? You wanna have some blood a your own to match?" He licked over his teeth.

"Ugh, fuck no, not from your huge stupid teeth." He scooted forward and sat on Eridan's stomach, making him groan. He put his hands on his neck. "What, you like being down there?"

He narrowed his eyes. "I dunno." Sollux squirmed and put his hand on the base of his neck. "What are you fuckin' doin' you useless fuck!" He put his hands on Sollux's wrists. He was amazed at just how thin they were.

"Maybe I was going to shut you up."

"I've been tryin' to shut you up for the last twenty fuckin' minutes." He reached up and pulled Sollux down into another deep kiss, this time gnashing at his lips with the same vigot that Sollux had done to his, but Sollux was in a position of more power and easily too the kiss over.

He repositioned himself and pressed his lips into Eridan's, pushing his hands down and pinning them to the floor. He moved his tongue slowly between his lips, letting either side trace at Eridan's lips and teeth and he ground down against him. Eridan's breathing had become heavy and was interrupted with small, angry moans. As he moaned, Sollux passed his tongue past his lips and let it brush against Eridan's to draw out more sounds. He couldn't believe that either of them were getting off on this half drunken, or completely drunken in the boy's case, make-out session.

He moved Eridan's hands to his waist as he felt him struggle. It wasn't going to be any fun if he wasn't getting anything out of this. He squeezed there and slid his hands under his shirt, pulling at base of it to pull it off. He grunted and finally Sollux pulled back, brows furrowed. He looked down at Eridan. He pulled his shirt off and threw it to the side with the rest of his laundry, then moved back a little to do the same for Eridan. He could feel his erection pressing into him and just licked his lips, making the man beneath him groan. He chuckled until he tried to buck up his hips. He slapped him lightly with the back of his hand. "No, ED. I'm in control here. You don't move one fucking muscle." He grinned widely and lifted up a little. "Now turn the fuck over."

"What? You just said..."

"Turn. Over."

He did as he was told and flipped onto his stomach. Sollux repositioned him so his clothed erection was pressing against his ass, pressing against him just a little and eliciting a high keen from him. "Sol!"

He reached a hand up and laced his fingers in his hair, pulling him back a little. "Shut the fuck up."

Eridan hissed. "Fuck you!"

He smirked. "That _was_ the plan." He reached into his desk draw pulling out his lube. "And if you stop _talking_ then maybe you'll get your wish. Eridan whimpered, but he didn't say anything else. Sollux kept his position kneeling behind him and wrapped an arm around to his front, putting two long fingers against him lips. "Suck." He loved being in control like this and it seemed like Eridan was loving taking orders for once as he took the fingers into his mouth and sucked at them like his life depended on it. Sollux could feel himself getting harder as Eridan sucked and was busy fumbling with one hand on the zipper of the other man's tight pants. After a few minutes of struggling he managed to get it down and undid the button with more ease. He pulled that hand back and pulled Eridan's skinny jeans down along with his boxers, revealing his ass.

He gave a cheek an experimental slap and felt him moan around his fingers. He pulled them from his mouth and brought them back to his entrance, tracing it with one finger and listening as he whimpered some. "Oh you want it that bad, ED?" Eridan nodded and he pressed one of the saliva coated fingers in, moving it slowly. The noises the overly vocal teen made were going straight to his cock as he did. Once he relaxed he pressed in another finger and did much the same, taking the time to pull his own pants down. He opened the bottle of lube and took his fingers our of Eridan so he could pour lube into it and spread it over himself. He wiped the rest down the other man's back and rested the hand on his hip.

Eridan was panting heavily as he lined his cock up with his entrance and pressed in lightly. They both let out a long moan, Sollux's low while Eridan's was high and breathy. He guided himself in a little deeper, relishing in the heat and noises as he did. He pressed all the way in and stayed there for a short while, hips flush with Eridan's. He still wasn't sure why he was doing this but, fuck, he was _horny_ and Eridan wanted it.

He slowly pulled back a little and then came forward quickly. Eridan let out a sharp gasp and he repeated the motion before pulling out further and doing the same thing. His hands gripped tightly at his hips and his nails dug half circles into his flesh. Soon he was pulling out until only his tip was still inside and slamming forward with a loud grunt, though he relished in the fleshy smack from his thrusts. Eridan's noises had increased in pitch and volume and Sollux could tell that he wanted to shout something. He smirked and spoke through his own grunts. "Go ahead. Talk."

"Fuck! Sol!" His breathing was shallow. "Keep goin'. Don't you dare fuckin' stop!" He arched his back, pressing himself back against Sollux. He kept shouting incoherent sentences as Sollux thrust and rolled into him. "Fuckin' touch me, Sol!" Sollux smirked and reached one of his hands around to rub at Eridan's tip, drawing out more noises from him. He moved his hand in time with his thrusts until Eridan was shouting as he came.

He grinned wickedly and moved his hips faster, coming shortly after Eridan. They both fell to the ground in a heap of post-orgasmic warmth, neither of them able to talk. Sollux laid on his side and scanned Eridan's face. He would do that again. That was totally worth it. He grinned, and Eridan smiled back. "Sol, that was..."

"Don't ruin it by talking, ED."

He laughed a little. "But that was... That was _amazin_', Sol."

He furrowed his brow. "Uh, yeah I guess. It was pretty vanilla for the most part so I wouldn't say _amazing_."

Eridan's eyes met him. "But Sol that was just a perfect fuckin' first time."

He made a face. "First time?" He really wasn't keen on fucking virgins anymore.

Eridan laughed loudly. "No. I'm lyin'. I just like to fuck with you."

He shoved him and positioned himself on his stomach again. "You're an insufferable deucebag."

He scoffed. "Yeah, I hate you too, but you're a good fuck. What can we do?" He shrugged a shoulder and closed his eyes.

Sollux stood up, pulling his boxers and pants back up. "We can fucking go to sleep is what we can do."

Eridan stood and stretched. "I'm gonna take a fuckin' shower. Could you leave your door unlocked?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"Thanks." He wandered over to Sollux and put his hands on his waist.

"What the fuck are you doing, ED?"

"I was gonna give you a kiss before I left?"

He shoved him away. "Just go take your shower."

Eridan frowned and looked down. "All right, uh, shower time then." He wandered out to the lounge and grabbed his shower gear and then back through Sollux's room, throwing him an incredulous look as he left.

Sollux shucked his pants and pulled on a pair of flannel pajamas before climbing into his loft bed. He stared up at the ceiling and thought about what he'd done.

It didn't take much for him to realize that Eridan might not have been a virgin, per se, but he'd never done that.

He threw his hands over his eyes. "Fuck."


End file.
